The PA doesn't invest in a relationship, they like to leave their options open – this ensures that there is no cost when it doesn't work out – which it won’t because the other party almost always gives up in frustration and despair. When the non-PA gets inevitably upset, the PA uses their withdrawal and control smugly, demonstrating that they have a hold on themselves in the face of the other party, who is hurt and desperate and can often come across as crazy in their attempts to express themselves.
One side does all the guessing, the other does all the flat-lining.
If the PA/non-PA dynamic was a time lapse camera of a couple in a room, the couple would be moving round and round the room, the one stepping backwards as they withdraw, retreat and avoid; the other stepping forward as they attempt to close the gap, make contact, communicate, understand. The non-PA never does understand what is happening because they don’t think or deal in those terms, the PA knows exactly what is happening but makes no attempt to explain or to alleviate the torment that the non-PA is feeling, and that they know they are inflicting on them. The PA almost enjoys watching them suffer, because he believes that the non-PA is making him suffer with their relentless questions and penetration of their privacy. There is no happy resolution. It will always end in the tears of a broken heart and tears of frustration and rage for the non-PA, and for the PA it will be a case of confirmation for them that they are always doomed to relationships that don’t work out because the other party just didn't try hard enough, never understood them, was always angry at them, never let them explain or gave them a second chance.
It is highly unlikely that one would ever be able to successfully explain the steps of conclusion to a PA, why one must break away from them. They do not seem to be able to hear, even if they look like they are listening. It’s best to just end it, no explanation, no anger, no attitude. Just cut it off and walk away. The dynamic between a PA and a non-PA will almost always be toxic.
A Passive-Aggressive cannot express themselves when it comes to their emotions. They are like a baby version of their adult selves. They know very clearly what they are feeling though, and the way that they not-express it is often directed at a specific person.
The PA’s world is filled with words like ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t’. That’s when they do speak. Usually it’s control through withdrawal of words, withdrawal of contact, withdrawal of interaction. They use silence as a chef would use a knife – it’s their most essential tool which they apply with dexterity and deftness.
They want the person that they are involved with to suffer -- usually the person that they are feeling the strongest about is the person that they cannot express themselves to. In the odd way that this little scene often plays out, this person (the non-PA) is usually quite good at expressing themselves (such are the dynamics of the PA – they are drawn to what they are not). So the non-PA does most of the talking, and the PA says things like ‘I don’t really feel like talking’ or ‘What do you want me to say?’. Or when the other person asks why the PA didn’t respond or say what they were thinking, he says that he doesn’t really know why.