I have been dealing with adrenal fatigue for a few years – at first I had full-on panic attacks and was permanently anxious, and then, when my circumstances changed and stabilized, the adrenals eventually became a sort of background hum – noticeable but not prevalent. The constant over-release drip-drip release of cortisol has meant that I have remained a bit highly strung, uncomfortable with people, and tending towards anxiety and even a bit of paranoia.
The good part is that overall there can be amazing improvement when one figures out how to help the brain do what it ought to already be doing – produce dopamine (the feel-good hormone) – which is the counterpart of cortisol (the adrenal release) – when there is a good balance then one is overall more stable and happy. I am sure that there are many ways to produce dopamine but for me the turning point has been in taking a supplement that helps my brain to produce this elusive (to me, anyway) hormone. Otherwise, when there is a dearth of dopamine and an excess of cortisol, one lives in a constantly jiggered-up, panicked, anxious state, and one of constant nervous exhaustion – think of a car running at high revs with the hand-brake on. Inevitable burnout.
Since I have been taking this supplement I have become far more lighthearted and carefree, I can laugh readily and joke, I don’t worry or fret about things that used to consume me, and I have got some of my sass back. This is all to do with the dopamine/cortisol ratio. My circumstances haven’t changed – I have changed.
This is all a bit of a ‘perfect storm’ set-up for the adrenal release or spasm. It is a horrible experience. The first sign, and it often happens without warning as it did this time, is what I call black ink. A large shot of cortisol gets released into my lower abdomen and it sits there cold and dark, making me feel physically sick. That is bad, but what is worse is the emotional fall-out, effective immediately. I shut down. I can’t think. I can’t speak. If someone speaks to me they get a quick shake of the head or a hurried whisper as I desperately try to exit the situation. I lose my judgement. And probably the worst of all for me, I lose my clarity of mind – my clear thinking, and my ability to relate to people or hold even a basic conversation. I become confused and can’t execute even simple or basic tasks. For example, when I was trying to lock up at work, I forgot first one thing and then another, overall I had to re-do the whole process three times. I served customers, but with each encounter there was a terrible low as I recovered from the effort of output. When it came to driving home it was out of the question at first. Even when I thought it might be okay to try, I backed out and headed towards the wrong exit. I waited some more and drove very mindfully, talking to myself the whole way so as to keep myself in the present and aware of external factors.
I had had plans to go out directly from work which I could not fulfil at that moment. Driving safely across the city – out of the question. Mixing with people – ditto. When I arrived home and was away from the situation I felt quite a bit better - and, apart from not being able to eat, I felt well enough to continue with my original plans – and I will admit there was a stubborn part of me that did not want to live in defeat.
Such is life with adrenal issues. I expect that eventually this will be a thing of the past. But until then, if I keep the ratio of dopamine/cortisol right and tight, then I’ll do.